Some Do Battle, Others Just Do Tricks
by FarGreenCountrySwiftSunrise
Summary: When Jane and Thor await the birth of their first child, Loki gives his future niece or nephew a teddy bear. Slowly, the gifts become stranger... No connection to Thor: The Dark World.
1. Chapter I: Good News

Some Do Battle, Others Just Do Tricks

An _Avengers _Fanfiction

Summary: When Jane and Thor await the birth of their first child, Loki gives his future niece or nephew a teddy bear. Slowly, the gifts become stranger... No connection to _Thor: The Dark World_.

Disclaimer for the Lawyers: I only own a copy of _The Avengers _and a few music downloads. I don't even own a copy of _Thor_.

Chapter I: Good News

&%&%&%

Thor arrived home to his level of the Avengers Tower after a long fight against Dr. Doom. Jane was waiting for him, spinning on a chair by the kitchen. Even though he reeked of battle, Jane always embraced him.

"Thor, when you get cleaned up, could I talk to you?" Jane asked.

"Of course, Jane," Thor said. He kissed her forehead. "Is something wrong?"

"No, the opposite, but I can wait until after you shower," Jane said.

&%&%&%

As Thor was shampooing his hair, he realized what Jane was going to tell him. He ran out to the living room, soaking wet with soap trying to get into his eyes. "Are you with child, my dearest Jane?"

Jane looked at Thor in shock. "Aren't you worried you're going to slip or something?"

"Are you with child?" Thor asked.

"Yes, I'm pregnant," Jane said.

Thor laughed before picking up his wife and spinning her around. "That is wonderful news."

Jane laughed too and hung onto Thor. "Yes, it's great!"

Thor placed Jane back on the ground and kissed her slow and thoroughly. "There is not a happier man in the nine realms than I am right now, dearest Jane."

"There probably isn't," Jane said, smiling broadly.

"I shall call our friends and we will celebrate!" Thor said, going towards his phone.

"You may want to finish getting cleaned up first and all of them are probably exhausted," Jane said, "We can tell them tomorrow."

Thor thought for a moment. "Indeed, but I know one who is still awake and I must tell him!"

Thor grabbed his cellphone and then pressed the second speed dial.

"What do you need Thor? I am currently dissecting this latest failed attempt at magic by Doom. Honestly, villainy has declined since my retirement," Loki said.

"Brother! I have good news! When you are done, I wish to speak to you," Thor said.

"I will come when I please," Loki said.

"But brother…"

Loki sighed. "You have that ridiculous puppy look on your face, don't you?"

"Yes," Thor said.

"… Give me thirty minutes."

"Excellent Loki! I look forward to our meeting!"

&%&%&%

During that half-hour, Jane was able to convince Thor not to be nude and soapy when Loki showed-up. After quickly finishing his shower, Thor and Jane spoke of all the things they would do over the next few months and then after when the child was born.

Loki appeared in the room, carrying a small barrel of ale under one arm. Thor stood up and embraced his brother. Loki slapped Thor's back once before shoving the ale into Thor's arms.

"This is your only congratulations, brother," Loki said. He smiled at Jane and kneeled before where she sat on the sofa. "The best of blessings to you, Princess Jane, and to the babe within you."

Jane smiled and let Loki kiss her hand. "Thank you. How did you know?"

"My brother would only say things as he did if he had created spawn," Loki said. He turned to Thor. "And remember, brother, you did very little to help with this! All the credit goes to Jane and all the blame to you!"

Thor nodded and put the ale on the table. He sat next to Jane and gave an affectionate squeeze. "Is she not amazing, Loki?"

"Yes, yes, very," Loki said, sounding annoyed, "I do need to do something so you do not have to worry about being ill, Jane."

Doctor Foster nodded, curious as to what Loki was planning on doing.

"I am going to place my hand over where the babe resides and see the magic the child has. Though Thor is no sorcerer, he is descendent of the All-Father. The little one may accidentally release magic when stressed, even by something as simple as an ultrasound. I will see that magic and then place a spell to protect you from any damaging effects. It will harm neither of you," Loki said.

"Okay," Jane said, "I would rather not grow tentacles during this."

Loki smirked before placing his hand over where the baby was growing. He closed his eyes and hummed softly. After a few moments, Loki spoke in Asgardian. Jane felt a slight tingle course through her body, but then felt normal again.

"The child will have some magic, but most likely nothing you should fear during the pregnancy," Loki said. He removed his hand from Jane before pulling out from inside his coat a small, black teddy bear. "I bought this before I came over. I have been told this is a customary toy for children on Midgard."

"He is adorable," Jane said, taking the bear, "Thank you, Loki, for everything."

Loki nodded and smiled a little. "I hope the child pleases you, Jane, and makes Thor's hair turn slightly silver. He deserves every bit of trouble that child will create."

&%&%&%

The next day, the Avengers were all overjoyed to learn the news. Stark had to breathe into a paper bag when he realized he had a kid to spoil. Barton had to be told that a bow and a quiver of arrows were not proper gifts for an infant. Bruce got misty-eyed. Steve started talking about a baby shower. Natasha offered to babysit. Pepper told Jane there was going to be a lot of clothes shopping. Darcy squeed repeatedly and muttered to herself, "OTP babies. OTP babies."

&%&%&%

Two weeks later, Dr. Foster was working in her lab when Loki showed up. "Are you keeping away from radiation?"

"Yes. Bruce is threatening to throw sticky rice in my hair if I go near anything. I am going to be focusing on my equations or the papers I should have written years ago over the next couple of months," Jane said.

Loki nodded and placed a stuffed toy horse with black fur on Jane's desk. "Something else for the child."

Jane looked at the horse and petted it. "Thanks, Loki."

Loki was already gone by the time Jane looked up.

&%&%&%

The next month, Loki placed in the future nursery a small stuffed toy collection of the Avengers, including himself, Dr. Banner, Dr. Foster, Ms. Potts, and Ms. Lewis. (Thor confirmed that the last five Loki made himself.) Then the month after that, he left a tiny plush replica of Mjolnir. The month after that, Loki gave a lion that was the size of a Boston Terrier.

And then the month after that, the baseball game happened.

&%&%&%

A/N: I really wanted to write a pregnant Jane fic with a bunch of fluff with Thor. Of course, our resident god of mischief hated being left out.


	2. Chapter II Take Me Out to the Ballgame

Chapter II: Take Me Out to the Ballgame

&%&%&%

"Now this is a proper baseball field," Steve said as the group found their seats a few rows behind home base.

"God bless the Cubs and their nostalgia," Darcy said.

"Especially their losing streak," Clint said.

"I do not recall blessing baseball," Loki said before being smacked by Darcy.

"Don't be hating on my Cubbies," Jane said. She was still walking normally, but was recognizably pregnant. Thor was taking extra care of her.

Natasha said, "At least the White S…"

"Say one word about that team and I'll bring up the 1919 World Series," Jane said.

"That shall be difficult as your precious Cubbies are playing against the White Sox," Loki said.

"Do I want to know why you're wearing a Blackhawks hat?" Steve asked, trying to change the touchy subject.

"Because this rivalry is trifling and baseball is boring. Hockey is a fascinating way Midgardians let out their desire for bloodshed without there being casualties," Loki said.

"Loki, have you ever been to a live baseball game?" Natasha asked.

"No," Loki said.

"Then shut up and watch the game," Natasha said.

The game was close throughout. The White Sox fans were Natasha and Clint (with Stark sending pro-Sox Tweets throughout the game). Darcy, Jane, Thor, and Steve were rooting for the Cubs. Loki mocked everyone and may or may not have caused players to slip on the field during pauses in the game.

After the seventh inning stretch, Steve mentioned catching a homerun baseball at a Dodgers game.

Jane commented, "I always thought that would be awesome. I mean, I couldn't catch it since I run away from things flying at my head, but having one caught by someone I went to a game with would be great."

"You never have?" Thor asked.

"No. It doesn't happen that often and I haven't been to that many games," Jane said.

"Well, maybe this one," Thor said.

Loki yawned. "I'll be back. I cannot handle this drivel any longer unless I move or I set something on fire."

"That would be Disco Night," Clint said.

Towards the bottom of the ninth inning, a foul ball went off into the stands. A tall, dark haired woman in mini-shorts and a cleavage showing top caught the baseball. She flicked her curly hair and blew a kiss at the camera.

Thor doubled over in his seat from laughing uproariously. Every time someone asked what was wrong, he would just start laughing harder. Jane rubbed his back and that calmed Thor enough to finish watching the game.

After the baseball game had finished with the Cubs as the victors, the group waited for Loki to meet up with them at their gate.

"Where is that jerk?" Clint said.

"Yoo-hoo!" The brunette who caught the foul waved to the group. She strutted over in her high heels and gave Clint a kiss on the cheek. "Did you miss me, Agent Barton?"

Clint's eyes got wide and Thor was laughing hysterically again. The women were snickering while Steve was trying very hard to not laugh.

"You… you… you're a girl!" Clint said.

"Your sight does not deceive you, Clint," Loki said.

"I thought that was a false story," Jane said, wiping tears from her eyes.

Lady Loki pulled down her top to show off more cleavage. "No, Jane. I can shape shift to most forms. This form has… benefits the others do not. Such as…" She handed a signed baseball to Jane.

"Loki! Thank you!" Jane said.

"I had the whole team sign it and even got a few phone numbers," Loki said, holding up scraps of paper, "Darcy, Natasha, do you wish to split these ups? A couple of them were decent enough looking men."

Darcy gaped at Loki. Natasha responded in the negative. Barton looked to be in shock.

"Do you do this often, Loki?" Steve asked.

"Yes," Thor said. He was clutching his side as he continued laughing. "Your face, Barton."

Clint straightened up. "It's just an illusion."

"Oh, Mr. Barton, I may have pulled some things in and pushed some things out, but this is 100% me," Loki said, sliding up against Clint. "Would you like to test my honesty?"

"Now, Loki, Barton is not going to do that," Steve said.

Loki sighed. Steve whispered something in Lady Loki's ear before Loki nodded in approval. Steve then kissed Loki (with tongue) tilting Loki backwards. When they pulled apart, Steve said, "Yep. Real. Definitely real."

"Captain, if only I knew you had it in you," Loki said before winking.

Steve was blushing now. "I can't have a lady's honesty question." He elbowed Loki. "If this gets out, I'll make you wish the Hulk smashed you."

"Of course, Steve, dear," Loki said.

"Come on. Let's make our way to the car," Natasha said.

"Oh, Jane," Lady Loki said as they began to walk, "I have another gift for the little one."

Loki handed Jane an eight-legged horse plush toy. Thor started laughing again but refused to confirm or deny if the myth was true.

&%&%&%

Over the next two months, Loki gave a plush toy wolf, salmon, and a stuffed animal spider that was two feet wide. Jane accepted the weirdness of the salmon. The spider was banished to the closet due to Thor's strong distaste for arachnids. (He was quick to assure it was not a phobia, even if Jane had to kill all the spiders in the apartment and Tony had more than one video of Thor giving a high pitched scream at the sight of an eight-legged fiend.)

&%&%&%

A/N: On the Steve/Loki kiss: I wanted someone to dip Loki and the only two Avengers tall enough were either Steve or Thor. The last option seemed illogical under the circumstances.

I have been a Cubs fan since I have been at least four years old (much to my Father's horror and my Mother's joy). I wrote part of my English Senior Project on the Black Sox as well as growing up with having to watch _Field of Dreams _every time it was on TV. The 1919 World Series and Disco Night are too complicated to explain here. I would apologize for blatantly supporting the Cubs, but that would be a lie.


	3. Chapter III: When Your Mother-In-Law is

Chapter III: When Your Mother-In-Law is the Goddess of Motherhood…

&%&%&%

Jane was twenty-three days from her due date when she felt like someone had hit her with a hockey stick in the stomach. She bent over as much as she could and focused on breathing. Darcy rubbed her back, speaking in a low tone.

"Labor pains? Are you early?" Darcy asked.

"That… doesn't feel like labor pains," Jane said.

"It's not like you've had them before," Darcy said.

"Something isn't…" Jane screamed as pain shot up through her spine and then through all her bones.

"Okay. I'm getting a doctor," Darcy said.

"Thor. Now."

"But shouldn't we…"

"Asgard. Go. Now."

&%&%&%

After calling Thor, Darcy helped Jane move towards the door. Halfway there, another pain struck Jane making her almost fall. Darcy was able to support Jane enough that they were able to bring Jane gently to the ground. Jane lay on her side and focused on the cool tile floor and the baby's movements. She rubbed her large belly, giving reassurances that everything was going to be okay. The baby kicked and moved at a normal pace, seemingly unaware of its Mother's discomfort.

Thor ran in and knelt beside Jane. He placed a hand on her forehead and the other on her stomach. "Jane, what is wrong?"

"I don't know. I keep getting these pains all through my body," Jane said, "The baby seems okay for now."

"Loki is grabbing your supplies. He should be…"

"Here," Loki said, putting the bag on the floor. He knelt next to Thor. "Stark will be driving us to the Bifrost site at the park."

"Why are we…" Jane started screaming and clung to Thor's arm. After thirty seconds of agony, the pain receded. "Stark. Maniac. Driver." Jane gasped.

"We need someone who can avoid police and drive quickly," Loki said. "The shield I placed on you months ago is being torn by the child. I will remove it since it is just prolonging your pain. First, we go to Stark."

&%&%&%

Jane did not want to know how much pain she would have been in if Loki had not put up the shield so early in her pregnancy. With the shield removed, she felt like she had the constant pain level of a severe migraine throughout her body. What surprised Jane was that she could sense that the child was playing with magic.

The pain was being caused from the baby becoming restless from the confines of the womb. Loki was worried and that terrified Jane. She had only seen him look like that when Thor had been badly injured and they were not sure the elder Odinson would make it.

"Baby?" Jane asked.

"The babe is safe. The child wants to make an appearance quickly," Loki said.

"Now? It's too soon," Jane said.

"Hopefully we will be in the Healing Room by then. The Bifrost may speed the child's desire to greet the Nine Realms," Loki said.

"Does that mean Mini-Thor is going to be making an appearance when Scotty beams you up?" Tony asked.

Loki said in an even tone, "No. Now shut up before I rip out your tongue. You do not worry a pregnant mother. Idiot."

&%&%&%

When they arrived at Asgard, they were greeted by Frigga, Sif, and the Warriors Three. Hogun was driving a small cart pulled by two horses. The other warriors had two spare horses with them.

Frigga smiled and placed her hands on Jane's arms. "You will be safe, Jane."

Jane nodded. "Sorry to come on such short notice."

"There is nothing to apologize for, Jane. Come. You may walk a little. It will help you. Thor, assist your wife. I will speak to Loki for a moment," Frigga said.

As Thor helped Jane to the cart, Loki spoke to his Mother on the issues with magic Jane had struggled with. Frigga then went with Jane in the cart while the rest rode behind them. The goddess of motherhood was able to provide some relief for Jane as they rode on.

"Will the baby be okay?" Jane asked several times throughout the trip.

"The child is just playing too hard for you. We will calm the baby down," Frigga said.

&%&%&%

"Do you know how much longer?" Thor asked.

"For the five hundredth and twenty-third time, I don't know," Loki said (which was not an entirely exaggerated number), "All births are different."

"I would rather do battle then let Jane go through such pain," Thor said.

Loki upturned a table and forced it to stand straight up towards the ceiling. "Fandral, Hogun, Volgstaff: be useful and get some weapons. We are having target practice."

&%&%&%

"You are straightening your arm too much. You are going to rip something at the rate you're going," Loki said.

"But it's so light. I must put force behind it," Thor said.

"Mjolnir has ruined you for being a good dagger thrower," Loki said as he rubbed his eyes. "We should try spears."

Thor hefted up a spear with glee and hit just off the center of the bullseye Loki had painted at the center of the table. "Yes!"

"And what are you doing to my table?" Odin said as he entered the room.

The group bowed to Odin. The All-Father looked at the scene of chaos before him and said, "Thor, you are shaking too much. It is like this."

Odin then effortless picked up a spear and made it hit dead center. "That is how it is done."

"Any news?" Thor asked.

"Your Mother threatened to have me thrown from the palace if I kept coming for news," Odin said, "The last time that happened was when I took you and your brother on a bilgesnipe hunt for the first time. I was not allowed near the palace for a week."

Loki had to leave the room from how hard he wanted to laugh from the thought of the All-Father sulking around the outside of the palace.

&%&%&%

Several hours later, Frigga came to the group weary but happy. "Thor, Jane is well. You have a healthy baby girl."

Thor let out a "whoop" of excitement and ran towards where Jane would be recovering. Frigga received a kiss on the cheek before her eldest son left.

Volgstaff sighed. "A girl."

"And what is wrong with a girl?" Sif asked.

"That means she will be the fiercest warrior of Asgard and the prettiest. There goes my title," Volgstaff said with a large grin

Thor's friends slapped each other on the back before breaking out the ale.

Odin came to his wife and kissed her hand. "Do you feel as old as I do today, Frigga?"

"This is probably the oldest I have ever felt, but possibly the happiest," Frigga said.

Loki snuck out of the room.

&%&%&%

Thor quieted himself when he was allowed to enter Jane's recovery room. Jane was holding a small bundle in her arms, whispering to her daughter. Thor was certain he had never seen Jane look more beautiful than at that moment.

"Hello, dearest," Thor whispered before kissing Jane's forehead.

"Hey," Jane said, "Isn't she beautiful?"

Thor rubbed his eyes, pushing away tears. "Aye, that she is. She has your eyes."

"And she has your hair and I will bet she has your stubbornness," Jane said.

"My stubbornness? Must I remind you of which one of us caused the All-Father to recant on his stance of humans and Asgardians marrying?" Thor said.

Jane smiled and kissed her daughter's forehead. "Do you want to hold her?"

Thor nodded and gently took his daughter into his arms. "She can fit in my hands alone. Look at how small she is."

"She is probably the most beautiful thing I have seen," Jane said.

"Look, she's waking up," Thor said, "She has your eye color." Thor lowered his voice to a whisper. "Welcome, daughter. I love you very much. Nothing in the Nine Realms will change that."

Jane sniffled and wiped away tears as Thor spoke to his daughter, tears trickling from his eyes as well. Thor spoke of the wonders he would show the little girl and what an amazing life she would have.

"And you have a wonderful family, daughter. Your Mother is the most intelligent and bravest woman in the Nine Realms. There are your grandparents, the All-Father Odin, and Frigga, Queen of Asgard. Your Uncle Loki is the greatest of all sorcerers. Lady Sif and the Warriors Three are family as well and they will spoil you as badly as the rest of your aunts and uncles. Then there is your family on Midgard There is Uncle Erik, Aunt Darcy, Uncle Tony, Aunt Pepper, Uncle Steve, Uncle Bruce, Aunt Natasha, Uncle Clint, and Uncle Phil. All of them brave and true. You are so blessed, little one. Never shall you be without help."

"And your Daddy will always protect you," Jane whispered, "He is the best man I have ever met."

Thor kissed Jane's forehead. "Can I bring others to see her?"

Jane nodded. "Loki and your parents first, okay? I want to nap soon."

Thor placed their daughter back in Jane's arms and gave them both a kiss. As he opened the door, Thor saw Loki pacing the hall with a stuffed toy dragon in one hand.

"Brother, would you like to see your niece?" Thor asked.

Loki looked up and seemed nervous. "I just came by to give her this. I do not wish to disturb…"

"You are family, Loki. Jane requested that you see your niece," Thor said, dragging Loki into the room.

Loki walked quietly behind Thor. The elder brother motioned for the younger to sit in a chair. Thor brought over his daughter and placed her in Loki's arms.

"There you go. This is your Uncle Loki. Say hi to Uncle Loki," Thor said.

The baby nestled closer to Loki and instinctively grasped his shirt. Loki cleared his throat. "Hello… child. Um… I'm Uncle Loki. I um…"

"I did not know what to say either," Thor said.

"Well, there is not much to say," Loki said, "You, child, will always have my protection. I will make sure of that."

The baby fussed and Loki quickly gave the baby back to Jane. "She is beautiful, Thor."

"Indeed. The most beautiful creature in all the Nine Realms," Thor said, slapping Loki on the back. "You know, this reminds me of when I first held you. I was completely silent as I did not realize that babies did anything besides cry when you spoke to them. You always looked up and smiled at me. I am infinitely blessed to have you, Jane, and my dear daughter."

Loki rubbed the back of his neck. "That is… thank you. Um… what is her name?"

"Halldóra Veðrfölnir Sarah Foster," Thor said.

"Please tell me you are not going to call her that all the time," Loki said.

"Of course not," Thor said, "We will call her Hal for short."

Loki sighed in relief. "Well, Hal, I wish you the best blessings in life."

&%&%&%

Two weeks into their stay at Asgard, Jane and Thor left Halldóra in the care of her grandparents for half an hour. They had slowly been leaving Hal with her guardians for longer bits of time since Jane would be returning to work after Hal was three months old.

Thor and Jane took a walk around the palace grounds, stopping briefly at the library for Jane to have an idea of what books she wished to borrow before returning to Midgard. As the half-hour neared its end, the couple passed the stables just as Odin and Loki entered it.

"Am I imagining things, or did I see your Father carrying Halldóra?" Jane asked.

"I saw it as well. Let us see what they are up to," Thor said.

&%&%&%

"This is my horse, Sleipnir," Odin said to his granddaughter, "Your Uncle Loki won him for me a long time ago. And unlike the myths, this is not your cousin."

"Father, what a pleasure to see you. We thought you would remain inside," Thor said.

Odin looked up. "No. It was such a warm day I thought the little one would like to take a look."

Loki mumbled, "Even if a baby's eyesight cannot see that far."

"I wish to speak to Doctor Foster for a moment," Odin said.

Thor and Loki bowed before stepping out. Odin placed Hal back into her Mother's arms, along with a sea serpent stuffed animal toy.

"Loki seems fond of his niece. He keeps giving her presents and worrying over her like a nursemaid when you or Thor are not near," Odin chuckled, "I have not seen him offer such affections to anyone since he brought home a wolf as a pet."

"I am going to guess that it did not go well," Jane said.

"Oh, the wolf was perfectly behaved for Loki and knew that the rest of the family was to be obeyed. It was everyone else who was wary," Odin said, "That wolf was the most pampered pup ever to live in Asgard and lived a long, long healthy life."

Jane shifted how she was holding her daughter. "I was just… a bit worried. Neither Thor nor I would allow anyone near Hal if they were any threat, but I was worried that Loki might feel displaced more than he already does," Jane said. She smiled. "The fact that we now have basically a built-in-babysitter is fantastic."

Odin gently touched his granddaughter's small hand. "It is an unexpected blessing to have my sons back. I am very grateful to see Thor's heir. I did not believe I would see the day. I thought it would be just as my Father did not see Thor and my Father's Father did not see me," Odin said.

"I am happy that you got to see your grandchild. Even in our more… robust disagreements, I wanted you to see as much of your family as you could," Jane said.

Odin nodded. He then said quietly, "You are good for Thor and your child."

"He is good for me, too. I am eternally blessed to have had Thor's child" Jane said.

Halldóra began to fuss. The All-Father and the Woman of Science went their separate ways.

&%&%&%

When the Asgardians and Jane came to Earth a month after Halldóra's birth, the Avengers tried not to be overly enthusiastic… and failed.

Hal was passed between all of the Avengers plus Pepper and Darcy over the course of ten minutes. Jane sat in a state of horror as she heard Tony explain to Thor a suit he was thinking of giving Hal on her fifth birthday and Clint wanted to put a bow in Halldóra's hands as soon as she could walk ten steps by herself. The rest at least seem content that Hal was a baby, but they were overestimating the child's tolerance of strangers and the separation from her Mother.

Loki went over to Tony and smacked him over the head with a stuffed animal.

"Hey! What was that for? And what the Hell are you holding?" Tony asked.

Loki glanced at the toy. "A bilgesnipe."

"It looks like a moose that took steroids for his antlers and got it on with a lizard," Tony said.

"It does not matter. What does matter is that my niece is being overtaxed on her first day in her new home. Can you not see how uncomfortable she is?" Loki said.

Tony looked over at Clint and Hal. "I guess you're right. Clint, can you give back Hal to her Mom?"

"But I just got her," Clint said.

"Nope. I'm going to agree with the water buffalo on this one. Give her back to Mommy Foster," Tony said.

Clint sighed but gave the baby back to Jane.

"Good, now leave," Loki said.

"What?" was the universal response.

"The child needs to rest and the Avengers are not known for serenity," Loki said, "I will leave as well."

"Come on folks, shoo," Darcy said. She started pushing Clint towards the door.

Loki placed the bilgesnipe (along with Mini versions of Lady Sif and the Warriors Three) in Hal's room as the Avengers said their goodbyes with promises of visiting another day. Darcy and Loki were the last to leave.

"Your assistance is much appreciated, Darcy," Loki said.

"Thank you. Trying to win points with the parents so I can hog the baby tomorrow," Darcy said.

"Wise of you," Loki said. He went over to Hal. "Enjoy your new home, little one. Uncle Loki will see you tomorrow."

Hal merely yawned in response but it made Loki grin. "You most definitely take after your Father."

Loki escorted Darcy out of Thor and Jane's apartment. Darcy said, "You are so going to use Hal to pick up chicks, aren't you?"

"I do not understand," Loki said.

"You can play up the whole hot, caring uncle. All the adorableness of a baby but none of the commitment," Darcy said.

"That had not crossed my mind," Loki said.

Darcy laughed and elbowed Loki. "Loki, you so have thought about it."

Loki rolled his eyes. "I honestly have not."

"Lord of lies," Darcy said just before the elevator closed.

"I am capable of..." the elevator closed before Loki's sentence finished.

"Can I request that those two not be left alone with Hal together? I think they are going to come up with worst stuff then Tony if they put their heads together," Jane said.

Thor chuckled. "I am happy Loki has found a friend here outside of the Avengers."

"I am just glad someone can keep up with him," Jane said, "Why a bilgesnipe?"

"Why a spider? It makes sense to Loki and that is good enough for me," Thor said.

&%&%&%

Jane got up in the middle of the night to feed her daughter. Hal was seventeen weeks old. The child was already playing with her plush Mjolnir and was fond of her bilgesnipe. She was also very demanding if her needs were not immediately met.

As Jane opened the door to the nursery, she saw a feminine figure standing by the crib. Before she could scream, Jane was thrown against the wall across the hall. The feminine figure turned towards Jane, but her face was still hidden in the shadows.

"You must be Thor's whore," the woman said, "Do give him my love."

&%&%&%

A/N: Dun, dun, DUNNNN!

A Mini-Avenger to anyone who can guess the significance of little Hal's name, except for Sarah. That one is too vague and it is not just the meaning "princess". There is a poem called "The Old Astronomer" by Sarah Williams (not that one). There is a line in there that says, "I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night." I thought both Jane and Thor would like that.


	4. Chapter IV: Lions and Avengers and Bilge

Chapter IV: Lions and Avengers and Bilgesnipe! Oh, My!

&%&%&%

As Jane opened the door to the nursery, she saw a feminine figure standing by the crib. Before she could scream, Jane was thrown against the wall across the hall. The feminine figure turned towards Jane, but her face was still hidden in the shadows.

"You must be Thor's whore," the woman said, "Do give him my love."

Jane's vision was spinning but she could have sworn something jumped at the intruder. _Several _somethings.

"What is this?" the woman said. She then yelped and stumbled out of the nursery.

Jane was certain she must be having a nightmare because it looked like several of Hal's stuffed animals were attacking the woman who Jane thought she recognized as the Enchantress. The Mini-Humanoids were either running or flying depending on who they were. The animals distracted the Enchantress. Even the giant spider was crawling around and trying to build webs to catch the intruder.

The ruckus awoke Thor and he came out of the master bedroom swinging his hammer. The Enchantress had enough awareness to send a blast of magic towards Thor, which he blocked with Mjolnir.

"How dare you come here Amora!" Thor said.

Before Thor could throw Mjolnir, Amora was knocked off her feet and a small blast of light hit her face from Mini-Iron Man. "What are these things?" the Enchantress shouted.

The power went out when what appeared to be a bolt of lightning struck inside the room. There was cursing and shouts of pain from the Enchantress.

After thirty seconds, the lights came back on and Loki was in the room in full Asgardian armor. The Enchantress was covered in small scratches and burns while the stuffed animals Loki had given Hal surrounded her. Loki sent of blast of magic at Amora, which she barely dodged.

"Honestly Amora, this is, to quote a friend, 'creepier than drugged peaches from the Goblin King'," Loki said.

The Enchantress staggered to her feet. "You are speaking as if you were mad, Loki."

Loki stepped between Amora and Thor. "Have you not heard? I am utterly insane. Do not throw it, Thor. She has a shield specifically against Mjolnir. Protect that hallway."

The Enchantress and the Trickster quickly bounced spells off each other. Loki had the disadvantage of keeping his family protected while Amora had to deal with over a dozen small creatures attacking her.

Finally, the Avengers arrived. Tony was the only one in full gear and swiftly blasted the Enchantress into the wall. Bruce had not changed yet, but it did not appear that the Hulk's assistance was needed. Amora was on the ground and not moving.

Loki pulled Amora to her feet and held her throat in his hands, but he did not choke her. "The only reason I will not kill you is that I have a message I want you to deliver to all your associates."

"And what is the message?" Amora said.

Loki grinned. "There are benefits of having the boogey-man as your uncle."

Loki's skin began to turn blue. Amora screamed but eventually her voice stopped as her vocal chords froze. Loki then dragged her towards the window.

"Do not worry. You'll be fine in a few days," Loki said as he tossed her out the window, shattering the glass.

The Avengers ran to the window and saw a green mist float away. They stared at Loki, not speaking. With a clap from Loki's hands, a wave of magic swept through the apartment.

"No enchantment of Amora's remains," Loki said.

Loki's armor disappeared to his sleeping wear. It was green, silk pajama bottoms and a t-shirt that said, "I tried to rule Midgard and all I got was a beating by the Avengers." He walked over to Jane who was struggling to stand up.

"I'll bring her to you. Don't move," Loki said.

He returned carrying Halldóra in one arm and the giant salmon in the other. Loki slid to the floor and let Jane take Hal. He tossed the salmon at Stark's head, knocking Tony to the ground.

"What is in this thing!" Tony asked as he struggled to stand up in the suit.

"It mimics Asgardian armor so it can protect the child but also will not suffocate her," Loki said.

The Mini-Avengers were sizing up their larger counterparts. Mini-Hawkeye and Mini-Iron Man seemed to be planning an attack while Mini-Black Widow was trying to dissuade them. The animals were scattered around the room.

Thor slid down onto the floor and wrapped his arms around Jane and Hal. "Are you two all right?"

"Hal seems fine. I hit my head though," Jane said.

Thor nodded, hiding his tears in Jane's hair. "I almost lost the both of you, dearest."

Jane was shaking. "I... I'm sorry. I didn't know that someone was there and…"

"Can the lot of you be useful?" Loki said to the Avengers.

The Earth's Mightiest Heroes were still looking at the living toys.

Loki rolled his eyes before making his cellphone appear. "Darcy, would you be ever so helpful and bring up to Jane's apartment a first aid kit? Everyone is alive, but Jane might have a concussion. Yes, hurry, but do not hurt yourself in the process."

"Why is there a Mini-Me?" Natasha asked.

"Why are there two of me?" Bruce asked. The Mini-Hulk was sulking; Mini-Banner was trying to analyze his green counterpart.

Steve picked up the lion toy by the scruff of its neck "Or why there is a three ring circus of the universe?" The lion swatted at Steve's face, causing Steve to bleed.

"I would avoid touching them as they are currently in defense mode," Loki said.

"What are they though?" Tony said.

Loki did not answer but observed Jane and Hal for any changes in condition. He sat crouched next to Jane and spoke quietly to the three members of his family until Darcy arrived with a giant box of medical supplies.

"I know CPR!" Darcy said as she handed the box to Clint.

"That will not be necessary," Loki said, "Dr. Banner, if you may."

Loki stood up and switched with Bruce. Thor took Hal. The Trickster rummaged through the medical supplies.

Darcy shrieked as the dragon toy brushed past her leg. "There's a snake in here!"

"It is just a Mini-Dragon," Loki said.

Darcy took several deep breaths before replying. "Loki… why is there a Mini-Dragon in here?"

"Because I created it. I will explain in a moment," Loki said.

Jane was given the all clear as long as she was woken up every few hours and sent to a medical doctor if her condition became worse. Loki took Hal from Thor while the elder Asgardian helped Jane to the couch. With a wave of his hand, Loki had the apartment cleaned and Tony's armor returned to where it was stored.

"I feel exposed and used," Tony said, "I thought you knew how to treat a girl, Loki."

"Oh, Stark, I thought we agreed that all I want is to remove your clothing," Loki said with a wink.

Tony rolled his eyes. "Don't give the fan girls anything more to work with. They already think that Steve and I are secretly married."

"But it is so useful to have thousands of followers kneel at your command without force," Loki said, "Imagine what I could do at one of those conventions…"

Darcy smacked Loki across the back of his head. "Off topic and borderline megalomania. What happened here?"

"The simple explanation is that Thor has had a stalker for several centuries but she generally leaves him alone," Loki said.

"The Enchantress was here," Thor said.

"Ah. Got it," Darcy said, "So, why was she here? Was she trying to kill Jane or something?"

"No. She was going to steal Hal either to raise the baby as her own or to take some of Hal's DNA and create her own Amora/Thor child," Loki said.

"That is creepier than drugged peaches from the Goblin King," Darcy said.

"That is exactly what I said, Darcy," Loki said.

"So… she made stuffed animals come to life?" Clint asked.

"No, that was me," Loki said.

"You? Why? Did you want an army?" Tony asked.

Loki rolled his eyes before answering. "No."

"Are these like the toy boars we had when we were small?" Thor asked.

"Yes, only more potent," Loki said.

"What boars?" Natasha asked.

"Children of Asgard are given toys as a sort of talisman against evil dreams," Thor said, "They do not work after one is no longer a child, though it differs from person to person when it stops."

"Amora was not a bad dream," Natasha said.

"As I said, it is more potent," Loki said.

By this point, the animals had returned to Hal's nursery, including the salmon flopping its way down the hall. The Mini-Avengers seemed to be content to watch the action going on in Thor and Jane's living room. Mini-Thor was sitting at Jane's feet while Mini-Loki paced. The Life-Size-Avengers sat on the various chairs in the room while waiting for Loki to continue his explanation.

"Dude, have you seen _Toy Story_?" Darcy asked.

"That was not where I retrieved the idea," Loki said. He cooed to Hal. "No, I had this idea for a long time. I had to make sure my little niece was safe. Yes. You are such a sweetie, Hal. Yes, you are."

"Loki is doing baby talk. I have officially seen it all," Clint said.

Loki glanced up at Clint. "I have researched child development and this 'baby talk' helps a child 's linguistic skills."

"You researched child development?" Steve asked.

"Yes. Why would I not?" Loki asked.

"Folks, off topic," Darcy said.

"When Thor told me that he had news to tell me, I realized that Jane was pregnant. Though I knew the child would be well protected, I feared what would happen if those who protected the child would be unable to come to his or her aid for some reason," Loki said. He smiled as Hal hit him with Mini-Mjolnir. "Good girl. Yes, you are going to be fiercer than a Valkyrie, aren't you little one?"

Natasha picked up her Mini-Avenger. "So, you created a first response team."

"Yes. All of these toys I created have a bit of my magic in them. I remembered my Mother telling Thor and I growing up that play helped us become adults and protected us from unnecessary evil," Loki said. He did not bother looking up and focused on Hal.

"So, what do these things do?" Dr. Banner asked.

Loki thought for a moment. "Well, the animals take on the traits of their larger counterparts, except for the salmon which I have already explained. The Mini-Avengers have a milder form of everyone's powers. Mini-Thor's hammer does cause some lightning, but only about the equivalent of a Taser, for example."

The Mini-Avengers seemed satisfied and went back to Hal's room. "

Are they always on?" Tony asked.

Loki shook his head. "No. There has to be malice towards or near Hal while they are in the same room as her. That is why I know Amora was not here to harm Hal. Hal's toys are enchanted so that they will even attack Thor, Jane, or me. We have dealt with mind-controlling technology and magic before and I would not have harm come to my niece."

"Daw. Loki is an overprotective uncle," Darcy said.

Loki huffed. "Tonight shows that I am not overly protective. At least the general criminal population knows that anyone trying to kidnap or harm my niece will suffer greatly."

"Um, Loki, just one question," Jane said.

"Yes?" Loki asked as he cooed to Hal.

Jane cleared her throat. "Hal's Mini-Mjolnir… is it… you know… Mini-Mjolnir and all that goes with it?"

"No," Loki said, looking up for a moment, "I just thought it would be cute." He returned his attention to his niece. "Who is the cutest little baby in the Nine Realms? You are! You are!"

&%&%&%

A/N: Some of the animals relate to creatures Loki turned into at various points in Norse mythology or his children In particular: the wolf, the horse, the eight-legged horse, the spider, the sea serpent, and the salmon.

Would people be interested in a series related to this and children the Avengers have focusing on hijinks Loki and Darcy get into with them?

And if you ever want to know what happens to this kid when she is old enough to date, read this post. http: slash slash fargreencountryswiftsunrise dot tumblr dot com slash post slash 50393610681 slash akittensblog-hannawolfcross-theghostparty#notes.


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